D37 - L3 - Continuity - Sandy.

Today, I want to share a story with you from one of my favorite women on the planet. She's beautiful and funny and caring and always so supportive. When you come across someone like this in your life, you wonder, "How can I be more like her?" She's touched me with her kind words on many occasions but never more than with the memories she shared here on my blog yesterday. 

We've been discussing body issues, like you do when you're trying to get in shape, aging or not, and it's generated quite a lot of feedback. Obviously it's touched a nerve within a lot of us and I think we're ready for a change. Deeply ready for our Metamorphosis and this story, to me, shows why it's so important to not compare ourselves to others. Perhaps of late, I'd lost sight of my number one shamandment - that is to Be Shannon. We cannot be anyone other than ourselves and while we maybe looking at others thinking we want to look "more like them", maybe - as in Sandy's story, there are people who want to look "more like us" - let's try looking in the mirror and realizing that "we're happy to look like us!"

Sandy, thanks for sharing, you're an inspiration. Here's what she had to say...

Hi Shan & Everyone~ I was just having this conversation with my husband a few days ago. He started a new fitness program this past week, (I've been doing Meta Abcentric for a few months now & I think it finally inspired him) we're both turning 45 this year. We've been together since we were 19 years old so we have seen each other through lots of different phases... physically & emotionally... Before I had kids, I decided I wanted to be involved in fitness, I thought if I worked in the industry- that would be the motivation I needed to stay in tip-top shape. I got certified with American College of Sports Medicine because I really wanted to know my stuff rather than do a quickie weekend certification. I immediately landed a job at a new Gold's Gym in Miami, FL. I was one of two female trainers at the gym. I was in the best shape of my life. My little brother saw me at the beach one day and commented on how "buff" I was- (he's a tri-athlete so it was quite the compliment). But I didn't feel "buff", I was too busy comparing myself to the other female trainer who was in the midst of preparing to compete in the upcoming Miss Fitness competition. And she got way more clients than I did because she was "ripped". I watched her each week as she ran on the treadmill in between teaching her aerobic classes wearing a plastic sweatsuit to increase her dehydration. I watched her delete foods from her diet as the competition approached... no more fruits, no more water, until the week of competition she fasted so that her skin would "lay down on the muscles to increase her definition". I thought she was crazy. But damn, she looked amazing. I later realized that part of the reason she looked so ripped was from performance enhancing drugs. I watched my best friend at the gym & head trainer, a genetically gifted, former football player, he ate Wendy's double cheeseburgers & fries between clients & still maintained a 4% body fat. While his clients starved themselves and worked out hours and hours in hopes of gaining some of his definition. The final straw for me was the day I noticed the skinny 17 year old boy that worked at the front desk suddenly had bulging muscles and a thick neck almost overnight. I realized he was risking his health and future for a quick path to body fabulous via steroids. I initially got into the business because I wanted to be healthy and look good. And the people who looked the best at the gym were the unhealthiest people there! 

  

I got married and had 2 babies and worked with a small client list of moms for a little while before finding my real passion, writing. But what amazes me now, is how I never saw myself as having a "great body" even when I had low body fat and worked in a business where people hired me because they wanted to look like me. I was always looking at others and wishing I looked more like them. At almost 45 I know I'll never look like I did on my Gold's Gym business card again, nor do I really want to. I still just really want to be healthy and feel good in my jeans. And it would be nice to feel confident in my bathing suit, but that might not be my personality either. I was never a beach volleyball player or the girl running around in the sand catching a frisbee ( unless I had shorts on over the bikini). I see alot of unhealthy and maybe borderline eating/working out disorders on the message boards, and I'm thankful that YOU, Shannon, have given us a place where we can model someone who's got their stuff to deal with but is approaching all of this program has to offer with a healthy dose of reality (and a whole lot of humor). I'd like to make a toast to all of us- on the path of TA, Metamorphasis, catapillars to butterflies, may we all find our wings and fly free and happy today and appreciate our bodies for getting us through another day of friggin' cardio! :-D xoxoxoxxo CHEERS! Sandy     I'll drink to that!  Cheers, Shan

D36 - L3 - Continuity

I had such an amazing array of responses to yesterday's post. Initially, I'd regretting putting it out there and still I'm not convinced that I didn't over-share, but judging by your comments, I'm not alone. Somehow many of us, and by us I mean women, have been sold the idea that our beauty has a shelf life. I've been fighting the issue of "what is beauty" for as long as I can remember. It was a fight passed down to me from my mother and my mother's mother. I can remember my grandmother's determination to find me a dark-haired doll to play with so that I'd know dark hair was pretty too. Growing up surrounded by images Cover Girl's California Blonds like Christie Brinkley or Nikki Taylor, I would spend hours in the sun with lemon juice in my black hair in my best attempts to lighten even a single strand. The result? Brassy hair and extremely dark skin. (Again I say, thank god for Cher!)

Funny, I never even considered that I was beautiful by virtue of the fact that I had youth, I just knew I didn't have blue eyes and blond hair and that's what I thought was beautiful. As I grew older, I traveled beyond the borders of my small town, the media began to broaden it's horizons on beauty and I came to realize that dark hair and eyes could be attractive too. Something, evidently, that my grandmother knew all along. Incidentally, she was never embarrassed to be in a swim suit at the beach. Or if she was, she never let it show. Bless her.

Reader, Tricia made an excellent point when she asked me to consider how I'll feel about my appearance today when I am 70. Genius. I didn't feel hot when I was 20 and I know plenty of young women in their 20's who have body image issues. I want to shake them and say stop being so silly, you're gorgeous! That's what my 70-year-old self would say to me now, I know she would. We've got to accept ourselves fully. Love ourselves and like my girl Andi said to me, be grateful. Grateful for the fact that our bodies are strong and healthy and can perform these crazy Meta moves, right? Hell yeah. My Aunti Anne, who is one of the most amazing and inspirational women I know, is a dancer. She's fit, strong and beautiful (and in her 80's btw). But the most incredible thing about her is her positive attitude. She doesn't get out there with her dance troupe and think, I can't keep up with these younger people. No way, man. She shows 'em how it's done. I have never once heard her utter a negative word about her appearance or her age. Sure she might go on a cruise and come back saying she wants to drop a pound or two, but it's quickly followed by tales of how great the food was and how much she enjoyed herself. 


I really do come from a strong bunch of women and I am only now starting to glimpse the fact that I am one of them.


My aunt thinks I'm beautiful. I think my nieces are beautiful. Is there a lesson to be learned here, you think? Darned right there is. Feeling good on the inside is what's important. Because it obviously doesn't matter how good you look on the outside, if you feel bad inside, that cover-up is never coming off. Be grateful for where you are on the journey today because if you're lucky enough to have a tomorrow, do you really want to look back and think, damn, I didn't appreciate what I had. I know I sure don't. Been there, done that. I've said this before and I'll say it again because obviously I am still trying to get it, we have to get our insides to match our outsides and vice versa.

As an aside, I really shutter to think what Tracy has in store for us in the levels to come because in sequence three, I feel like she is gearing us up to become break-dancers with all these reverse table tops, twists and one-armed balance moves. Crazy! But I love it, so continue to do it. While Tracy is helping me work on the outside, I'm fully aware that my new job is to get to work on the inside. Thanks for sharing.

Shan

D35 - L3 - Continuity

I've been thinking about today's post for a few days now, uncertain how much I really wanted to share and the best way to get my point across - without coming off as a total freak-show. The idea behind this blog has always been to document my journey toward wellness, both within and without. That's based almost entirely on the practices of the Method by Tracy Anderson, but it also encompasses years as a yoga teacher, a soul searcher and woman getting to a "certain age" and all the stuff that goes along with that. It doesn't always fit into a nice neat little package. Sometimes garbage comes to the surface that needs to be dealt with. How you deal with it on the other hand is what separates a healthy individual from a not-so healthy one. Yoga has carried me a long way toward being the former so I am going to step up and put my bravest face forward.

I was on the fence a little bit about how I was feeling about myself and whether or not I should actually write about it. You might see some of my photos on the blog and think I should feel pretty terrific and for the most part I do. A comment by reader Jah has given me the push I needed to write about what's going on. She's somewhere in small town America and finds herself surrounded my some pretty large folks. Among them she feels like the exception. She's fit and healthy and cares about her well-being. Yet when she goes to LA, things change. She feels less than slim let's just say. (I am totally paraphrasing, to read her comment check out the previous day's post). I'm getting ahead of myself here.

Without getting into some drawn out history that doesn't really matter much these days, suffice it to say, I was not an attractive child. Those angst-ridden pre-teen years we're filled with bucked-teeth, then braces and a bad mushroom cut. You get the idea. I had some esteem issues, most of which I've worked through in my late 20's and 30's. I said most. Since practicing yoga and now the method, I generally feel pretty good. Losing 18 or 19 pounds this year didn't hurt either. So last weekend, he who shall not be named took me out to see the final Harry Potter movie. It was kind of a big deal because we'd seen them all together several times over and this was the end of an era, so I got dressed up for the occasion. Not something I do on a regular basis, actually I rarely dress in a fashion that is sexy or revealing. But this night I put on a very flattering top, some strappy sandals and a pair of well-fitting white jeans. Lemme tell you something, whether I looked the bomb or not, I felt it. I felt wonderful. I was like - Yessss! This is what it's like to come into your own. To own your own space and not shy away like a wall flower.

So you can imagine my total shock and dismay when my gorgeous 20-year-old niece and her stunning 20-year-old girlfriend came to spend the weekend at my place on their way to Oregon and we went to the beach and I was too afraid to take my cover-up off. WTF?! I worked this hard for this long and felt like a million bucks only to be reduced to the buck-toothed, bowl-headed little loser girl that I was when I was 14. Come on! Seriously? It was horrible. There was no way to talk myself out of this one. I tried. They were running around the beach, exploring. They got onto their floaty devices and splashed around having the time of their lives and it wasn't until they were far enough out and the beach became deserted that I took my cover-up off and strolled the shore for all of three minutes. It was heart-breaking and I felt like a total idiot. Just so you know I was never the kind of girl who had the guts to run around the beach in a bikini even when I was 20 but still. You'd think at this point in my life I'd have it figured out, no? No.

Later I cracked open Bethenny Frankel's book "Naturally Thin" and read the following intro:

"I look fat. I hate my body. My thighs are huge. Why did I just eat that? I can't believe I just ate that. I can't lose weight. I have a slow metabolism. I can't eat that. I really want to eat that, but I shouldn't. I hate myself. I pigged out. I am definitely going on a diet tomorrow. I can't stay on a diet. I'm hopeless. I have no willpower. I'm pathetic. What's wrong with me? She can eat anything she wants. I hate her. I'm never eating again. Why did I eat so much? I want a do-over. I feel so guilty. I'm disgusting." Bethenny then asks if that sounds familiar.

Hell yeah! That and a bunch of other negative self-talk. Here's the confession of the decade... I won't order stuff from Victoria's Secret for the simple fact that I know if I do, they will bomb my mailbox with a ton of Victoria's Secret catalogs and those beautiful, perfect, totally inspiring models actually make me feel bad about myself. As do most fashion magazines. And I'd be willing to bet that I'm not the only one. Seems I am still 14, at 40. How is it in one set of circumstances I can feel like a goddess and barely a week later I'm  - I don't even have a word for it. But it's not very cool.

There is this really awesome documentary called the Titans of Yoga wherein one of the teachers says that "Your only job is to love yourself exactly as you are right now." After my behavior this weekend, I'm worried that I'm going to get fired! 

I love my niece. She's perfect and beautiful and a really awesome young woman. I don't envy her. Don't want to be 20 again, so what's the problem? It's like Jah said, in one place she feels good about herself and in another  - not so much. So is she healthy in one and not the other? These are really good questions and just another layer to peel back and discover as we work through our own Metamorphosis. Newsflash - apparently this self-discovery stuff doesn't end with the 90 day program in the big white box, it carries right on through Continuity.

All we can do is continue to look inward without judgment and stay as present and aware as we can. I think by witnessing these feelings instead of getting caught up in them we can learn from them and grow as women, but as with any kind of growth, it can be painful.

Wow, how's that for a Monday post? Maybe I shoulda saved it for the weekend?
Yikes.

Shan 

D33 - L3 - Continuity

Hey! Great news! Level three hasn't killed me yet. I have had a few more spills, there's this spinning reverse one-armed table top movement that involves a kick (I am not kidding it is that hard) that I continue to lose my balance on and fall over. It would be quite comical if it weren't happening to me. Seriously, I think if someone secretly filmed me doing level three of continuity, they'd think I was drunk. I'm just lucky my face doesn't bruise easily. LOL.

I am going to go out on a limb today and write about something that sort of creeps up now and then, and I suppose I notice it a lot more now that I am writing about the process of getting/staying in shape, but it's a touchy subject. Being overweight.

I know, you'd think a fitness blog and weight issues would go hand in hand right? But what I don't really touch upon too much is what happens to all those people who order Meta in the mail, pay their $90 do one or two workouts and shove the box under the sofa to collect dust for the rest of eternity. This also includes all the people that Fitness Clubs and Gyms make their money off of. You know the ones who buy the membership, usually in January and by February are never seen again. We should put their faces on milk cartons.

As someone who has tried everything from going to the gym to Turbo Jam, Kettle bell, Biggest Loser, Gunner Peterson's body ball, to P90x and everything in between including Dancing With the Stars Cardio (I mean everything), New York City Ballet, Crunch Salsa - EVERYTHING!! I can safely say I am no stranger to working out. Sticking with a workout on the other hand is a different story. It's hard. And I can honestly say that Tracy Anderson's Method is the first program that I have; a) been able to stick with and b) have gotten great results from. But dieting is really hard.

I can muster up the discipline and courage to get to my mat nearly everyday, but that's not necessarily the case with cardio and it sure isn't the case with food. I am only now just starting to glimpse how I should be eating and still don't always make the best choices. But once we get into the groove of health and fitness it can be easy to look at those people who sit on the sofa watching tv and eating cheese doodles all day with a measure of disdain and think they have no right to complain that they're overweight because they don't do a damned thing about it.

But I am here to stand up for them a little bit, to give a voice to what they may not be telling you. Deep down, nobody really wants to stuff their face with junk food. Yes I love chocolate and have been known to eat it to the point of puking my guts out. That might be over-sharing but it's relevant. It's not the chocolate so much as the feelings of pleasure that I was, and still do chase. We all want to be happy. We want to feel good. It's in our DNA. But what if life sucks and it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to and now you're stuck and the only thing that makes you feel some modicum of pleasure is that burger, that beer, those potato chips, that cake? Don't get me wrong I am in no way condoning killing yourself slowly with bad habits and poor diet. But what I am saying is that when you look at those people who maybe have "reached a certain age" or have "always been that way" or whatever other statement we're so quick to attach to them, that's not who they really are. Everyone we meet is fighting some kind of battle. Could be the recent death of a loved one. The loss of a job. An accident. Break-up of a marriage, fight with the kids, animosity at work, the list of pain, suffering and abuse is endless. We all battle our own minds, it's part of our evolution. Read my blog, I do this everyday - one might swear I were bipolar when they bounce between my love days and hate days.


All I really want to say is this. If you've found a way to get into fitness and make it stick, encourage someone else. I'm not advocating preaching to the masses, rather I am suggesting that you share your success to motivate someone who's not there yet. If you find yourself as someone who isn't quite there, maybe you ordered your package but you hate the cardio or find yourself lost during mat work and think Tracy sucks so you've shoved that box behind the fridge, don't give up. You've given up before and it lead you here to this place of feeling shitty about yourself. You don't have to feel that way. What was or is or has always been, can change. Give it another shot. Go back to the gym, put that dvd back into the machine. Go slowly. Give yourself a chance to learn the routines and to create better habits. You don't have to be perfect. Just give yourself the shot you deserve. Give someone else the benefit of the doubt.


This is about community - we come here to help each other, cheer each other on and I am so proud every single time one of you shares a victory. Lovely reader Jah made me so happy when I read her comment about the experiences she's having with Level 6. Damn, just getting to level six is a huge accomplishment. If you haven't started yet and are waiting, why wait? Get yourself to day six, level six, month six and it will become your new life!

Really, all this is is a gentle reminder to be kinder to yourself, no being a hateful meanie, it's a shamandment! and to have a little bit of compassion for those who have maybe lost the way or are not quite ready yet. "Ours is not to reason why." I can't remember who said that but it applies very nicely here, don't you think? I have so much love and respect for everyone who is part of this process with me, whether you are struggling or swimming through it merrily, we're all just successes waiting to happen. I do apologize for the resounding cliches, but you get what I mean, right? And Mullet Holly, I want to hear how that new dance cardio dvd is working out for you! I am so excited for you, girl. Oooh and last thing Little Miss Martie, someone who initially had some struggles, has really pulled up her boots and has lost something crazy like 28 pounds! How cool is that? Way to go Martie.


Have a great weekend everybody.
Shan

 

D30 - L3 - Continuity

How's everybody doing? You sticking with the program? I know for me when it's nice outside, the last thing I want to do is workout inside. And diet? Forget about it. I'd rather get a treat from the ice cream man. But that's not always the wisest choice. I know, growing up sucks, right?

So yesterday was my favorite day of the week - weigh-in and measurement day. Weeeee! That's sarcasm for those who are new by the way. I hate measurement day. I hate getting on the damned scale. You'd think after all this time it would be no big deal. You'd think I would be confident, but instead I feel like the contestant on the Biggest Loser that had the crappiest week - every time! Who's with me? I guess maybe if you're super keen and super good, you just keep seeing the numbers drop so it's cool for you and if so - I hate you. Kidding. Mostly. So sue me, I'm jealous. 

You know how a couple of days ago I mentioned that one of the lessons I've learned on continuity is that diet plays a really key role in weight loss? Well guess what? If you do the Method almost everyday and eat moderately well, you'll maintain. If you follow a great diet and do your cardio everyday too, you'll lose. If you stop cardio and eat crap you'll gain. This isn't rocket science here people. Turns out, I've been maintaining, which would be fine if I hadn't gained those pesky 4 pounds!


My measurements haven't really changed much, gained a bit here, lost a bit there, but I truly hoped that when I stepped on the scale I would have at least lost two pounds. Nope. Two ounces is what I lost, two lousy ounces. Sure, it's better than gaining two ounces but whatever. I am only now getting back into the groove after birthday week et al, but still. These results don't evoke feelings of "oh goody, let's get on the scale" know what I mean? But whateves, I've got bigger issues to deal with. Like how the heck am I not going to kill myself trying to master Continuity Potion #3.


A little heads up to the coordinationally challenged, this is the most complicated sequence yet. For example there's this one move where you're on all fours but only one hand and one knee are on the ground, then she's got you twirling the other leg - in some sort of in and out, up and down kinda figure 8 but not figure 8 fashion while holding a weight in the opposite hand and lifting it up on every other leg circle then dropping to your elbow or some such thing. Sound complicated? Well yeah, that's because it freakin' is! It's more a form of torture than a form of exercise in my opinion. I literally did a cheek stand at one point as I lost all balance. By the time I got to the other leg, I didn't even attempt to use both arm and leg, I just tried to work out the leg rotations and am still not convinced I got it. And that's just one of the seven different leg moves. Don't get me started on the ab section. She's outdone herself with her crazy-ass ab moves in this one. I don't even want to talk about it. Kinda makes a girl want to do cardio instead of muscular structure - now that's saying something. I feel as though I've survived a tornado, my whole body hurts.

Do I still like Continuity? Sure, but you can bet your ass I am not missing a single day of this workout. I want to get through level three as quickly as I possibly can, no point dragging it out. Just like ripping off a bandage, the faster the better. What is it with Badass Anderson and her bloody level three's? Somebody 'splain me, please!


Cheers,
Shan

D29 - D1 of L3 - Continuity

Okay wow, can I say that I feel dizzy just watching level three? What is it with Tracy and her third level sequences? I have no idea if it's the same for other centrics but on Abcentric, level three Metamorphosis was The Muffin Top Slayer - level three Continuity? The Freakin' Spin Cycle! OMG, it's like she's thrown us in the washer and we're set to spin. I kid you not.

I love Tracy, am a huge fan (duh) but seriously, I thought she might start to repeat herself at some point along the way. Nopers! She's got some new moves and I am sure I am going to pull something along the way. It's a good thing that 40 is the new 39, because if it weren't I'd be too old to do this stuff. No idea how she's come up with some of these moves or if they're even possible but I am off to try them out now, so will let you know how it goes, (if I'm not in traction by the end of it).

Before I go though, I want to share with you what she says at the beginning of the workout because I found it to be really exciting.

She says: "You've made it to level three. By now you should realize that I'm really challenging your brain's connection with your balance and how strong your accessory muscles have become thus far." (I thought she was going to say that by now we should realize that she owns our asses and we should just drop to the ground and grovel for mercy if we want to live. But she didn't, so let's give her the benefit of the doubt.)

"You should really be feeling the design work happening within all these sequences." (Oh, so that's what that pain is.)

LOL, it should be entertaining if nothing else, to see if I can do this without landing flat on my face. Lordissa, the things we'll do to get in shape. She really is the badass fitness guru!


Cheers,
Shan

D28 - Last Day L2 - Continuity

Gotta love Monday's don't ya? I was exhausted on the mat this morning. It was all I could do to get myself onto it to do my Muscular Structure workout. Once there, my little monkey mind started to act up, doing its best to negotiate a deal. Let's just do half the reps, no! How about we skip the last two moves on each leg, no! How about if we quit now, so what if one leg got worked out and the other one didn't, I can live with a limp, it would be better than this! NO! NO! NO!!

It was at this point, that I realized my performance was slipping. Even while my mind was fighting the good fight, my body was giving in to temptation, tossing my limbs this way and that without intention and I know from painful experience that that is when injury can occur and I was not about to let that happen. I needed to regroup and re-motivate. I started thinking about you. About how you come here and read and comment and cheer and ask and commiserate. 

I remembered reader Nicky's comment from yesterday or the day before. She said that she is 49 with 4 teenagers and for the first time in ages, she's proud to wear a bikini. Damn. How great is that? I'm 40 and I feel pretty foxy myself.
If that's not a reason to to get back to work pointing my toes and twisting myself into impossible positions, nothing is. I love that we can age and feel good and look good and be comfortable in our own skin.

And then I remembered my nightmare bikini hunt. Gross. Still, another beautiful reader suggested that I Google Helen Mirren in her bikini. So once I'd finished my workout, the last one of level 2, all the reps and both sides, I did exactly that. Here she is.

Um wow! Right? Stunning. If that doesn't motivate you on this Monday, well then... what the hell? How could that not motivate you? Put that cookie down and go do your freakin' workout already.

LOL xo
Shan

D27 - L2 - Continuity (and Tofu Soup)

I know what you're thinking, you're thinking OMG it's Day 27 and she's still on Level 2, WTF? Or not, maybe you're thinking where the hell have you been woman? Or not that either, maybe you didn't even notice that I was missing. I wasn't abducted, nor did I drop out, nothing as dramatic as all that. But you would think that after quitting one job, I'd have more time. Not the case at the moment. Between going out of town for my birthday, then covering extra shifts at the job I still have, my life hasn't felt like my own.

It's the 17th of July and since the 1st of the month, I've only worked out 9 of those 17 days. Pretty crappy. I don't feel that badly though because my diet is more or less back on track and that really is half my battle. And now that there's time to get back to daily workouts I know that I will. I will be whipping though the next levels at the pace I should be (I hope).

Being 27 days into Continuity, I've learned a thing or two. Maybe not so much learned as had the lessons beat into me, but I don't want you to have to do things the hard way so I thought I'd share. 

For me, Metamorphosis had a beginning and an end. It was long. It was arduous, but it was doable because it was finite. When there is an end in sight, the journey might feel entirely uphill some days, but you can make it because eventually it will be over. Continuity however is a whole other beast. Woody Allen has this great expression and forgive me if I am repeating myself - but he says:  "Eternity is a long time, especially near the end." He's right. Doing this transformation thing for a whole year sometimes feels overwhelming. 

If you've been reading along, you know that I went through a rough patch just before my birthday last week. My diet went to hell, the workouts were not as consistent as they'd been and I gained some weight back. I was feeling quite rotten about the whole thing. 

But, lesson number one is this; (please pay attention here as it will save you so much grief in the long run) there is no escaping the fact that once you reach a certain age, watching what you eat is a fact of life if you want to stay trim. Sorry but it's true. No matter how much you want it to be otherwise, it's a reality for 99% of us. Doesn't mean there will never be fries or ice cream, what it means is that it will be mostly health food. Get used to it. Learn to love it and most importantly, PAY ATTENTION to HOW it makes you FEEL! That's right. Go out on a bender for a few days. Stuff yourself full of all the crap you can imagine and then try and get your foot over your head or bounce around for half an hour. It's pure punishment. Add to that your expanding waistline and you're just adding insult to injury. Stick with lean cuisine and you'll not only look better you'll feel better. (I'm not talking lean cuisine the boxed brand of food, I mean whole foods cooked healthfully).

Lesson number two - if you haven't realized this on your own already is - you must consistently do your workout, five or six days a week. If you don't, the results go away. Tracy promised us she'd get us in shape, she promised she'd keep us in shape, the catch is that we have to keep working at it. There are no miracles here. Transformation is continuous. You see that? Metamorphosis and Continuity mean the same thing - the process of transformation is an ongoing thing and if you stop working out your transformation will continue but in reverse and we don't want that! Not after having worked so hard.

The third lesson is a good one. If you let yourself slip after achieving awesome results, once back to work, the results come back quickly. As mentioned previously, I was binging, bloated and bitchy. (didn't I mention that? well, I was) I set my mind to getting my diet cleaned up and with that commitment in place, one glass of prune juice flushed the bloat, healthy eating cleaned up most of the rest and I'm seeing that I am very quickly returning to my fighting weight! Now that my schedule is returning somewhat to normal, there are no excuses for missed workouts (yes, not even for missing cardio, I don't care how much I hate it) I think I am just days away from my goal weight once again. I will let you know.

So there it is in a nutshell - the magic, the science, the secret to the Method - do the workouts and do them consistently. Watch what goes into your mouth. And once you're in shape, returning to it or getting back to it if you slip up becomes much easier.

Hope it helps rather than discourages you.  

And last thing, lovely reader Robyn has asked me to post my recipe for tofu soup. Happy to do that Robyn. It's not my recipe actually it's Tracy's and it's dead simple. 

Tofu Soup (Shan's version)

Chop up a couple of carrots and a couple of pieces of celery and throw them into a pot of about 5 to 6 cups of veggie soup stock. Bring that to a boil and simmer for about ten minutes.


Then chop up half a crown of broccoli and half a package of firm tofu (plus a couple of mushrooms, I like em so I use em) Throw that into the pot with a TBSP of parsley and fresh cracked pepper to taste. Let it simmer for an additional ten minutes and serve. I also add spinach in the last three minutes or so. I think you can toss in any veggie that you like just to change things up a little. 

I am also tempted to chuck in a quarter cup of lentils next time and see how that turns out. Think it could be nice.

This makes enough to serve two people plus have left-overs to microwave for lunch the next day and now that I am off the strict TAM diet, I like to bake a crusty baguette to serve with it, but that's up to you. 

Cheers!
Shan

D25 - L2 - Continuity

There have been so many great comments lately and I want to get back to y'all, but I am in the middle of my second 14 hour shift with very little turn around time. So technically I shouldn't even be writing now but I had something that I just had to share.
It's a tiny victory but they have been few and far between lately so it feels biggish. I was in the middle of very long day yesterday. My dear friend and co-worker had been in a car accident the day before (she is shaken up and very stiff and sore but alive thank the lord!!!) so I was by my onesie. Things were a little chaotic but my boss came in to help.

As I was passing the nine hour mark that old nasty sugar-craving came in. The voice in my head and in fact the voices of those around me were saying: "it was your birthday, let's have cake." or "can I get you something sweet from the restaurant?" They make a mean chocolate tart over there lemme tell you.

But guess what?? I said no, no and no, three times and then some. I held strong.

I feel like such a super hero today. I was able to get through the day with my fruit, granola, tofu soup and a lovely stir fry for dinner. All good and today, no bloat. I'm here as a gentle reminder that once in a great while, ladies, it can be done!!

Big hugs
Shan

D23 - L2 - Continuity - Post B-Day.

It was wicked and wonderful and filled with excitement, delight, some trepidation, anxiety and very nearly every other emotion you can possibly experience. Turning 40 is what I'm talking about here. I can remember my mom's 40th. My sister's 40th. And the 40th of one or two of my really good friends. Funnily enough, most of my closest and bestest were either already over 40 when they became part of my life or have not yet reached it. We are a diverse bunch, my pals and I. (And I suspect most of you are too. The more I hear from you, the more I like you.)

I found that there was a wide range of emotion with this particular milestone, more so than any other birthday. It gave me pause for thought. Guess I'm not yet where I'd hoped to be career-wise so there's an ick-factor that goes with that. But I felt great about it too because in other respects, I've achieved more than I had ever imagined possible. I have love and I have a healthy self-respect. I'd heard this from women older than me that you really do develop this awesome sense of self at a certain age and I'm starting to see sparkling glimpses of that. I ask for what I want, I speak up for myself and allow the word 'No' to pass through my lips when I feel it is appropriate. It's cool. The Method has most definitely gone a long way toward helping that sense of self to expand and grow.

My lovely and wonderful friend Jane gently reminded me that we've known each other for more than ten years (another cool thing about getting older is that you have these beautiful long-standing friendships) but she also reminded me of when we were turning 30. He he he. This is great, she says:  I can remember us having a discussion about how turning 30 was actually pretty cool, we felt good in our skin and all that. (Remember that beautiful 30-year-old skin? Wrinkle-free, non-saggy, etc., etc.? No WONDER we were comfortable in it!)

And she's right. Our skin was beautiful. But as we age, we begin to wear it differently, almost with more pride. Like we've earned some of those laugh lines and hopefully we'll wear them well into our golden years. I believe that as the days pass by and we continue to grow older, 40 will seem quite young. And for the days that it doesn't, I can look around at all the beautiful women who are part of this 40's club, many of you included, and feel deeply grateful that I have indeed made it this far and with Tracy's help can actually look decent doing it. Three Cheers for the Badass Fitness Guru!


When I woke up on the actual day, we kicked it off on the top floor of our hotel over-looking English Bay with a room-service champagne breakfast. I felt like a super-model getting ready for my big L'oreal cosmetics campaign photo shoot or some other equally gallant woman. It felt amazing to be in that moment. To have made it this far. There were also decadent cupcakes with candles and lots of Starbucks! So that helped to make it all fab as well.

And now, back to some semblance of routine. Hard work, clean eating, and just good-old fashioned dedicated desire and commitment to my health and well-being. 

So my commitment to myself and to you today is that (at least for today) there will be cardio, there will be muscular structure and there will be tofu soup! Doesn't quite have an exciting ring to it but I love tofu soup, it's like chicken noodle, only without the chicken's noodle or any other part of him. But it sure is tasty and it's fat free and filling. I think it's just the ticket to get me back on track after the (totally guilt-free) birthday splurge.


Thanks again for all the really great wishes. I appreciate every one.
Big hugs,
Shan

Four-Oh.

Hey,
I am taking a couple of days off while I transform into a forty-year-old, or as I like to think of it, celebrate turning 20 for the second time. My good friend said at least I'm not turning "30" twice. Here here!

Am actually quite looking forward to it. This is the big Metamorphosis that I've been leading up to and a few lovelies who've been there and done it before me have said it's no sweat. Good, because being on the Method, I've been sweating quite a bit lately.

Do keep in touch, lemme know what's going on with you so that I have something to look forward to when I get back on Wednesday. More to the point, something to motivate me to kick back into high gear after all the champagne and cake that I intend to have!

Big hugs.
Shan

D19 - L2 - Continuity

202 days left in this "let's practice the Method for a year" project, or whatever we're calling it.

There is just no getting used to how quickly the time passes when you attempt to document each day. Maybe when you're not counting down a year, it's not as obvious, but I can remember day 19 of abcentric (it was a love day) and it doesn't seem all that long ago. Yet I've been through 95 more days of Meta plus 19 on Continuity? Wowzers. Know what I mean? Time's flying'.

Had gone through a bit of a rough patch recently, but it would appear that the worst is over (The writer checks surreptitiously over her shoulder to see if the nasty old bugger Fate is watching her to give her the smack down, but the coast looks clear.) Who knew all it would take to get me through it was a four ounce glass of prune juice. I'm not kidding. I'm off the cheese, the bloat is gone and happy times are here again. 

Part of my new inspiration might also be the close up shots of Tracy's abs in this level 2 video. She has got such incredible definition and I want that. However, I feel I need to add a disclaimer here. I did do my weigh-in and measurements the other day. Good news and bad. The good news is that (I had gained back a half inch around my waist in the weeks following Meta...) continuity has carved off a quarter of that, so just a quarter inch to go to get back to my former glory. Here are the other stats:
Chest - 1/2 inch
Arm - 3/4 inch
Hips + 1/2 inch 
Thigh + 1/4 inch
Low belly +1/2 inch
Waist - 1/4 inch
Not too bad overall since the last measure up, considering that I'd practically unhinged my jaw and tipped back the refrigerator over the past few weeks, right?

The not so good news is that the 4 pounds is still here plus an additional 4 ounces, but you know what? I tried the new cardio and my thoughts are these, I'd prefer to keep hold of those extra 4 pounds, never achieve Tracy's perfect definition and never have to do cardio again. What do you think about that? LOL.

The other small thing that worries me is this. While I am absolutely loving this level of Continuity, we're talking I love it as much as I love Tracy's original Mat DVD!!, she has us performing some moves that are reminiscent of when she was gearing up to have us stand on our heads in Abcentric. Anyone remember that? We started doing arm and ab strengthening moves to build us up to a half-headstand position. 

Well now she's got us doing the kinds of hip-openers that I've only ever done in Yoga practice when I was gearing up to put my feet behind my head. Like I said... worried! It's all good though, this is the first sequence since I've started the 30 Day Method, Metamorphosis and Continuity combined that I do not count reps and can do every one. First time ever folks! (I am taking precautions where my neck is concerned and not doing anything to jeopardize that as well.) So on the workout front everything's cool. 

On the diet front, there's been quite a bit of banter back and forth from people about what to eat. When I posted the six week diet plan, some were thrilled, some wanted to kill me because they were so sick of dieting, some had comments on how to make it better, and funny no one suggested adding cheese cake to it.. hmm. Anyway. I read an interesting article on the internet today that I interpreted to mean that us hoping that there will be French Fries in our future is futile if we want to stay in our skinny jeans, that granola is in fact the miracle weight loss food I imagined it to be (it wasn't all a dream) and that we don't have to starve. Okay, that last part is from another article, but let me share the first one with you first.


A recent Harvard study looked at the effect of diet, physical activity and other behaviors on weight gain or loss over a period of several decades. For the study, published in The New England Journal of Medicine, researchers followed 120,000 men and women who were considered healthy and non-obese.

Not surprisingly, more people put on weight than lost it over the duration of the study. The average participant gained 3.35 pounds over every four-year period, or more than 16 pounds over two decades.

“This is the obesity epidemic before our eyes,” study author Dr. Dariush Mozaffarian, an associate professor at Harvard School of Public Health, told HealthDay news. “It’s not a small segment of the population gaining an enormous amount of weight quickly; it’s everyone gaining weight slowly.”

“I was surprised how consistent the results were, down to the size of the effect and direction of the effect,” he said.

The study also identified the worst food offenders in terms of putting on the pounds — and on a more positive note, foods most associated with weight loss.

The top offenders
French fries, potato chips and sugary beverages top the worst offender list when it comes to weight gain. But there are other culprits. For every additional daily serving of the following foods, here’s how many pounds people gained, on average, over four years, researchers found:

French fries — 3.35 pounds
Potato chips — 1.69 pounds
Sugar-sweetened beverages — 1 pound
Unprocessed red meat — 0.95 pounds
Processed meats — 0.93 pounds
Foods containing trans fat — 0.65 pounds
Boiled, baked or mashed potatoes — 0.57 pounds

The good guys
It’s no surprise these foods have healthy benefits — but the study also found they help us lose weight. For every additional daily serving of these foods, participants lost this amount of weight:

Yogurt — 0.82 pounds
Nuts — 0.57 pounds
Fruits — 0.49 pounds
Whole grains — 0.37 pounds
Vegetables — 0.22 pounds


You see? Nuts? Whole Grains? Granola = miracle food. And for those of us that are vegetarians we have the added benefits of not gaining from red or processed meats. But, no French Fries. They're not allowed. In fact it looks like potatoes in general are a big offender. Don't avoid them, just try to limit your consumption of them, according to the brains at Harvard.


The other article I was referring to was an article in Chatelaine by Flannery Dean about the ELLE UK interview with singer Lily Allen. You can view the whole thing here but the jist of it was this -


At one point in her earlier career she was super-slim because she wasn't eating. She'd go out and have a coupla drinks and that would be it. 


The author of the article in Chatelaine writes:

Allen goes on to imply that she wasn't the only one not eating to stay thin. Allen says: "I hang out with models, the biggest pop stars and, you know, really and honestly, I hate saying this, but none of them are achieving those body shapes by being healthy.
"They're not just going to the gym two hours a day. They're not eating or they're taking speed not to eat. In America everyone abuses that Adderall stuff and people aren't normal."
If not eating and indulging in destructive behaviours are some celebs' real diet secrets it's kind of a shame for us all. Perhaps a new policy of Lily Allen-inspired frankness might serve everyone better. Regular women wouldn't feel so bad about their bodies and might even cut celebs a little slack too.

Again, just another little hint for us not to be so hard on ourselves.


Have a great weekend.
Shan

D16 - L2 Continuity - Review.

Badass is by definition a rule-breaker. Actually it's not, by definition it's "formidable and excellent", but according to Shanopedia we're going with rule-breaker because that's exactly what our Badass Fitness Guru Tracy Anderson is. Hey Miss Thang, you broke the cardinal rule, yeah I'm talking to you Tracy. (It's why we love her, she does it her way.) 

Level 2, she's got us working arms holding two weights in one hand. You read me right. Six pounds. Is that not more than three, Mademoiselle? Just askin'.

As you may have guessed from the above, level 2 is BAD-ASS.

If you're thinking about getting into Continuity, are on it, or are waiting for it to arrive in the post, hear this!!! My knees were begging for knee pads. More than that, for level 2 Abcentric you might wanna think about fully gearing up - like Whip It style.

I'm serious, these girls look like they're getting ready to get into level 2 Continuity. Knee pads? Check. Elbow pads? Check. Wrist guards? Check. And we were wondering how Tracy got that bruise... The Method has become a contact sport people! Serious.

I confess. I love it. I do! It's done with care, precision and grace but at such a pace it makes you cry out, she expects us to do cardio after this, is she kidding? This is cardio, but in a good way. (because y'all know I hate the cardio)

This is the hard-core stuff that Tracy's built her reputation on, it's the stuff the fitness gods do to take care of their heavenly bodies I'm sure. Her unusual ab sequences just totally rock and this level is absolutely no exception, and forget about the legs, awesome. As Tracy says, "sweat is the only fairy dust," and believe me when I tell you I was covered in it. Who the heck wants to eat junk when you're working out this hard?

I think we just might be back and back with a vengeance. HIGH FIVE! Anyone? What, nobody high five's anymore? So I'm not cool, so what? I'm badassssss!

Thank you, Tracy!
Shan

D15 - First Day L2 - Continuity.

It's day one of level 2... So far, I've watched the sequence. Not the best start I'll grant you but I have every intention of doing it this afternoon. I know, I know, the path to hell is paved with good intentions. Seriously though, after watching the DVD I really am convinced that someone gave Tracy that bruise on her leg. This sequence does not look like fun, and she has us putting our foot up past our shoulder again and that's just not natural. I mean are we ever going to need to do that in real life? I think not. But I will give it the old college try and report back, most likely while in traction! Also forgot that today was measurement and weigh-in day - "forgot", "blocked from my memory", semantics, so will do that tomorrow. I mean why put off today what you can put off for tomorrow right? Ugh that's the running theme around here lately. Why eat healthy today? I can do it tomorrow.


Lovely reader Donetta reminded me that way way way back in November I'd posted a diet. It was Tracy's Six Weeks to New Years Diet and having given it another look, have decided it would be worth re-posting today. See if I can't make that stick. The one I am going to post is my vegetarian adaptation since I feel like we plant eaters are sometimes under-represented in the TAM world. Not always, Tracy did take care of us on the 30-Day Method, but sometimes it can be a little weak.


I don't know the daily calorie count for this and I am certainly not a dietitian by any stretch of the imagination so take it all with a grain of salt (or maybe not salt because then you'll retain water) but take what you can from it, then adapt it, change it, add to it to make it work for you. But don't tell Tracy!! I don't want her coming after me for messing with her menus. LOL.

The Diet (My adaptation)

This short-term diet “ensures you lose between 3 and 5 pounds a week,” says Anderson. The diet bans processed food, dairy and all spices, oil and sauces, discourages drinking alcohol or caffeine (sip 1.5 to 3 liters of water daily instead) and prescribes one serving of whole-grain carbs a day. Once you’re at your target weight, adopt a healthy but less restrictive diet.

This is three week’s worth of menus, so complete then repeat.

WEEK ONE

MONDAY

Breakfast

1 cup granola cereal, with ½ cup plain — or vanilla — nonfat almond milk

Lunch

Veggie Burger — with ½ cup each of chopped cucumber and tomatoes

Snack

apple

Dinner

½ cup risotto and baked tofu

TUESDAY

Breakfast

1 cup Granola cereal, with ½ cup plain—or vanilla—nonfat rice milk

Lunch

2 hardboiled eggs with ½ cup each of baby carrots and celery

Dinner

Veggie burger with Greek salad

WEDNESDAY

Breakfast

Smoothie with banana and blueberries

Lunch

2 boiled eggs — with ½ cup each of chopped cucumber and tomatoes

Snack

1 cup mixed berries (try raspberries, blueberries or red grapes)

Dinner

3 to 5 oz grilled tofu with string beans and spinich

THURSDAY

Breakfast

1 cup Granola cereal, with ½ cup vanilla — nonfat almond milk

Lunch

½ cup each of fresh spinach salad with tomatoes and cucumbers

Snack

Apple

Dinner

Veggie chicken strips with ½ cup seared veggies

FRIDAY

Breakfast

1 cup Granola cereal, with ½ cup vanilla — nonfat almond milk

Lunch

2 hard-boiled eggs with 4 to 5 celery sticks and 4 to 5 carrot sticks

Dinner

1 cup penne pasta with ½ cup each of steamed spinach and chopped steamed tomatoes

SATURDAY

Breakfast

1 cup Granola cereal, with ½ cup almond milk

Lunch

Egg salad, plus 1 slice whole-grain bread

Snack

Apple

Dinner

3 to 5 oz grilled tofu with ½ cup steamed fresh green beans

SUNDAY

Breakfast

2 poached eggs with 3 slices veggie bacon

Lunch

1 whole-grain wrap with ¼ cup of chopped avocado and ½ cup each of chopped cucumber and tomatoes

Snack

10 to 15 red grapes

Dinner

Veggie Burger with ½ cup spinach salad

WEEK TWO

Sunday

Breakfast

2 poached eggs with 3 slices veggie bacon

Lunch

½ cup cooked black beans with ½ cup each of chopped cucumber and tomatoes

Dinner

3 to 5 oz grilled tofu with ½ cup steamed Brussels sprouts or ½ cup steamed spinach

Monday

Breakfast

1 cup vanilla — or plain — nonfat almond milk and one poached egg

Lunch

2 sushi rolls (about 10 pieces total) of your choice (none should include mayo, nor may you add soy sauce)

Snack

1 cup soy pudding

Dinner

3 to 5 oz grilled veggie chicken breast with ½ cup steamed carrots and broccoli

Tuesday

Breakfast

1 cup vanilla — or plain — nonfat almond milk and one poached egg

Lunch

2 celery stalks with 2 to 4 tsp almond butter

Dinner

Veggie burger with 1 sweet potato

Wednesday

Breakfast

1 cup vanilla — or plain — nonfat almond milk and one poached egg

Lunch

1 slice whole-grain toast with 2 slices veggie bacon with ½ cup each of tomatoes and spinach

Dinner

3 to 5 oz veggie turkey loaf with ½ cup steamed broccoli

Thursday

Breakfast

1 cup vanilla — or plain — nonfat almond milk and 1 poached egg

Lunch

2 slices whole-grain bread with 3 oz fresh veggie turkey, 2 slices of tomato, 3 to 4 slices of cucumber and romaine lettuce, and 2 tsp mustard

Dinner

3 to 5 oz grilled tofu with ½ cup steamed spinach

Friday

Breakfast

1 cup vanilla — or plain — nonfat alond milk and 1 poached egg

Lunch

1 cup quinoa with ½ cup each of chopped parsley, spinach and tomatoes

Dinner

3 to 5 oz grilled veggie chicken breast with ½ cup steamed green beans

Saturday

Breakfast

1 cup vanilla — or plain — nonfat alond milk and 1 poached egg

Lunch

2 slices whole-grain bread with 3 oz fresh veggie turkey, 2 slices of tomato, 3 to 4 slices of cucumber and romaine lettuce, and 2 tsp mustard

Snack

1 snack cup of sugar-free Jell-O

Dinner

Veggie burger with ½ cup steamed veggie of your choice

WEEK THREE

Sunday

Breakfast

1 cup vanilla — or plain — nonfat almond milk and granola

Lunch

Egg salad served on a bed of crisp romaine lettuce

Dinner

½ cup black beans with ½ cup each of chopped cucumber and tomatoes avocado

Monday

Breakfast

1 pumpkin spice Kashi bar with 1 cup vanilla — or plain — nonfat almond milk

Lunch

1 cup plain penne pasta with ½ cup steamed peas

Dinner

3 to 5 oz of veggie turkey loaf with ½ cup each of chopped spinach, cucumber and tomatoes

Tuesday

Breakfast

1 pumpkin spice Kashi bar with 1 cup vanilla — or plain — nonfat almond milk

Lunch

1 boiled egg with chopped cucumber, tomato, avocado salad

Snack

1 cup mixed berries (strawberries, raspberries, and blackberries)

Dinner

1 cup brown rice with 3 to 5 oz grilled tofu

Wednesday

Breakfast

Granola with 1 cup vanilla — or plain — nonfat alomd milk

Lunch

3 oz chopped tofurkey with ½ cup each of chopped tomatoes, cucumber and spinach

Dinner

Veggie burger with ½ cup steamed broccoli

Thursday

Breakfast

1 pumpkin spice Kashi bar with 1 cup vanilla — or plain — nonfat almond milk

Lunch

2 hard boiled eggs with ½ cup each of baby carrots and cherry tomatoes

Dinner

3 to 5 oz grilled veggie chicken breast with ½ cup steamed spinach

Friday

Breakfast

1 pumpkin spice Kashi bar with 1 cup vanilla — or plain — nonfat rice milk

Lunch

3 oz grilled tofu with ¼ cup of chopped avocado and ½ cup each of chopped cucumber and beets

Dinner

½ cup pasta with ½ cup steamed spinach

Saturday

Breakfast

2 poached eggs and 1 slice whole-grain toast

Lunch

Veggie burger with ½ cup each of chopped cucumber and tomatoes

Snack

1 cup mixed berries (strawberries, blueberries, red grapes)

Dinner

3 to 5 oz grilled tofu with ½ cup steamed spinach

It is a bit boring which is why I suggest using it as a guideline. I also like to add fat free salad dressings to my salads along with a few bits of olives, avocado and nuts for healthy fat.

Also, if there are things on the plan that work well for you, for example grabbing veggie tofu for lunch, do that more often. Or add in Tracy's Tofu soup one evening for dinner instead of tofu and steamed veggies.

I have posted a recipe for the Veggie Turkey loaf  here. 

Since that post, I have made the dish and added a bit of salsa, some celery and mushrooms for extra flavor and texture and it turned out great. It's one our fave's now. (For some reason my font has gone all wonky. Whoops. I'm so professional!)

Cheers,

Shan

D14 - Last Day L1 - Continuity

Happy 4th of July to all my American buddies. Hope you're enjoying the holiday!

It's day 14 and I have only now reached the last day of level 1 of Continuity. It's taken a little longer than any level on Metamorphosis and for some reason there have been several more bumps along the way. I suppose the weather up on Mount Everest doesn't get any better the further you climb, right? Now I'm not gonna say that it only gets worse, rather I'm going to suggest that we focus on what our view might be like from the top. (If we ever freaking get there)

Can't decide if today is a love day or a hate day. One thing's for sure, I'm feeling both and flip-flopping back and forth with such fury that I am in danger of actually breaking my neck.  Have been feeling rather crappy for some time now and am working hard to shift the energy, but it's been a real challenge. I do appreciate that there are several of you out there going through the same (misery does love her some company), but equally so, I appreciate the ones of you out there that are having love days and are feeling strong and are offering up your support to the rest of us. Both mean the world and make this whole thing way more worth while. So here's what's been going on.

I skipped my workout yesterday. Intentionally! Now there are a lot of excuses for not working out. You got your period. You have a head ache. Workout clothes are in the laundry. You slept late. The dog chewed up your workout DVD. You stubbed your toe. Your favorite show is on. You had to work late. You had a deadline. Tracy's mean. You have company. I could go on, but none of these excuses were why I skipped my workout. My excuse is much more lame. I skipped out because I only had one more workout to do on level 1. You might be guessing that I was afraid to move on to level two because I'd heard it's really hard, as in it's the "Muffin Top Slayer II". Well, yes there is that, but that isn't the reason. The reason is because at the end of every level I have to measure up and weigh in. Don't wanna do that. No way no how. I already checked my weight and as you may or may not know, I've gain 4 pounds. You know the ones, the ones that are the toughest to lose? Yeah, those ones. They're back! 

On my last post there was a comment from Annie - she was so positive and awesome. She said that next time I see an eclair, I should just say no. Okay, I could do that I told myself. Just say no. Just say no. I got to work yesterday morning and first thing - FIRST THING in the morning someone handed me a chocolate cupcake. I thought who brings cupcakes to work first thing in the morning? as I was scarfing one down as fast as I could before I swallowed a second one. This time vanilla. Um, yeah, true story. Sad, but true. My mouth was so full of cupcakes there was no way I could have uttered the words No Thank you without choking to death. I chose life, okay! Stop judging. Do you see why I didn't want to measure up? In my defense I had given myself permission to take the weekend off. It being a holiday weekend and all. 

After work, I went to the super market and picked up pizza and a tub of Ben and Jerry's. Quiet! You would have too, I mean because who could resist "if I had 1 000 000 flavors" ice cream by B & J? It had been sooooooo long since I'd had ice cream and I figured what with all the cheese I'd been eating....

I shared the pizza with "he who shall not be named" but polished off the tub of a million flavors by myself. It's wasn't my proudest moment to be sure, but I learned something. Because if you are going to gorge yourself to the point of causing physical pain and the appearance of a woman into her third trimester  - with twins!! - you may as well learn a thing or two.

I learned that ice cream used to be one of my favorite foods on the entire planet. As in, if I could only take five things to a deserted Island, ice cream would have made the list, kinda favorite. Here's what occurred to me as I endured a sleepless, night-sweat, nightmare-filled night... yesterday's passion has become today's faded crush. I wouldn't have realized this had I not given myself permission to totally cut loose. I would have still had the cravings and been miserable. Not nearly as miserable as the horrible bloated stomach I had to endure after an overload of sugar and dairy. OMG. Someone please remind me of this if I ever crave ice cream again. Puh-leeeze!

Not saying that I will never eat another cookie or cup cake... far from it. But I will be steering clear of eclairs and ice cream for a little while I think. And I'm under no delusions that I'll shed my extra 4 (lordissa feels like 6 or 7 after this weekend) pounds in the week I've got left before my birthday, but regardless of that my Great Aunt assured me that 40 is going to be a good one. I prefer to think of it as turning 20 for the second time.

So, will there be cake on my 20th (x2)? 

I should hope so, but if there is a God, I do hope She'll hold the ice cream. My waistline cannot take another hit. Here's to trying to haul my fat bloated ass back up onto the wagon. Me and the wagon driver are on a first name basis now btw. He usually greets me with a "how long you back for this time, Shan" to which I generally respond "up yours, Gunner!" I do wish he'd slow that thing down once in a while so it wouldn't be so hard to climb back on.

Trust me when I tell you he's a miserable old koot!

Cheers,
Shan

D 12 - L 1 - Continuity - Independence.

I'm on day 12 and still on level one so you can guess that I've missed a coupla workouts, yes? I had this post all prepped in my mind, I was so "bitchy" and that is not a word I use lightly. I don't like the  word or the connotation and I prefer not to use it, but things had gotten that bad.

It's July 2nd, ten days to Forty! OMG. I've gained 4 lbs. OMG. I had the absolute worse sugar hang-over today because of course I still haven't snapped out of the binge I've been on. You should have seen the enormous chocolaty cream-puffy eclair thingy that I packed away yesterday. Sick sick sick. Good, but did I mention sick? It's been nothing but sweets, bread and cheese for what feels like an eternity. Remember the diet angle that sat upon my shoulder the first day of continuity? The one who whispered that I wanted salad, not toasted cheese sandwiches? Yeah, her, she got the snot beat out of her by the diet devil and I haven't seen her since.

The Butterfly that I was becoming has regressed beyond the caterpillar and has become a bit of a slug, did I mention the additional 4 lbs? I didn't even bother taking my measurements because I know it's all around my waist and that would be just way too depressing.

Alright, okay so I wasn't gonna say all that, whoops, it slipped out, but I read something that something stopped me from going on with my pity party. I had to share some of it with you because I wanted you to honestly know where I am at with Continuity and I don't think I am alone. I've heard similar things from a few others. We really are in this together for better and for worse aren't we girls? Geez.

The thing is, I was feeling rotten and fat and exhausted, and I'm sorry but trying to work out with Tracy the day after a sugar binge is just pitiful. It's sheer torture and the worst part is that you know you did it to yourself. But I'm gonna let all that go. This weekend is about dominion, independence, and freedom. Yesterday was Canada Day, Monday is Independence day in the U.S. It's a long weekend in North America. I wanted to claim some of that freedom for myself, freedom from dieting and worrying and watching all the time, but it's become clear to me that I can't. I'm still not ready to fly solo. If Tracy were Britain, I might just ask her to keep an eye on me a while longer. I need some help.

But yesterday was just Canada Day, it was also a new moon and a solar eclipse at that. I don't know if you buy into all of that astrology stuff, but I am a Cancer, ruled by the moon. I figure if that body in the sky can control the tides, it's sure as hell going to have some kind of effect on me, if only because of my proximity to the sea. So I was taking into account my bad mood and the moon. Essentially I wanted to blame the moon. Blame my PMS, blame the damned baker for making that eclair thing. But then I read a line from Verse 26 of the Tao de Ching.

The heavy us the root of the light.
The still is the master of unrest.
Realizing this, the successful person
is poised and centered
in the midst of all activities;
although surrounded by opulence,
she is not swayed.

Yeah? So what?

Dr. Wayne Dyer explained this in such a way, that I had to stop and think long and hard about what I wanted to post and actually change it up a 'lil bit.

He says this:

In the 26th verse you're being advised to maintain a sense of serenity regardless of what you may see taking place around you. Moreover, you're being told that the true master knows that the ability to stay calm is always located within. From this perspective, there's no need to assign responsibility to others for how you feel. Even though you may live in a world where blame and faultfinding are endemic (ain't that the truth) you will own your own feelings and actions.

(I feel like crap because of the actions I took or didn't take. I chose to eat poorly and skip workouts, the moon didn't do that to me.)

You will know that circumstances don't determine your state of mind, for that power rests with you. When you maintain a peaceful inner posture, even in the midst of chaos, you change your life.

The wisdom of this verse prompts you to know that you have a choice. (Didn't we just talk about our choices last week? Think we did. How quickly I forget) Do you want to be in a state of confusion or to have a tranquil inner landscape? It's up to you! Armed with insight, the Tao master doesn't allow an external event to be a disturbance. Lao-tzu tells you that assigning blame for your lack of calmness will never bring you to the state of being that you're striving to attain. Self-mastery only blossoms when you practice being aware of, and responsible for, what you are feeling.

Self-mastery only blossoms when you practice being aware of, and responsible for, what you are feeling. That's the line that got me, that stopped me in my tracks, because isn't that what this blog is about? Accountability? Honestly? Sharing the journey so that we can learn and grow and help each other on the path of transformation? Sure it's through a physical practice, but it goes way beyond that.


I can dump all my stuff out into the universe but at the end of the day I am ultimately responsible for it and for changing it.


This brings me back to the new moon and her eclipse and what I talked about last week when I wrote about "He who shall not be named" and his big life transformation and ultimate win! There's a fantastic Astrologer named Susan Miller, if you're into it check out her wesbite. She wrote an interesting point about eclipses...


She wrote the following. 

This eclipse, July 1, is about what YOU want for yourself - not what someone else thinks you should want, but perhaps reflects hopes, desires, or changes you've long wanted to make but for any number of reasons pushed aside. This eclipse is a strong one, so you won't be able to push aside those thoughts much longer.




An eclipse in one's own sign always signals a time to take stock and have a look at life with fresh eyes. Often we are too busy with the affairs of life to notice that we are evolving, maturing, and changing, so we often need an event to make us stop in our tracks and think about what needs to be deleted, changed, or added to life. Eclipses are famous for ending situations that have no future, and they help us fix things that are broken. They are also known to push us to do more with valuable relationships and situations and get them to the next level of sophistication. If you took something or someone for granted, you won't after this eclipse. If someone took you for granted, they will have a rude awakening, for you will show that under no uncertain terms do you find this behavior acceptable. If someone deliberately hid information from you, the eclipse, with its ability to brilliantly floodlight facts, will illuminate that information in a way you won't be able to ignore.




Life is often so busy, with so many responsibilities, that it never feels like a good time to drop everything and make some big changes - it's so much easier to talk yourself into thinking, "It's not so bad." The universe knows it is human nature to put off major decisions that might be painful or difficult to make, and every so often will send an eclipse to force us to look closer and see the reality of the situation. That is happening now.

Isn't that what we were just talking about? It seems like now is a good time to take action. Easier said than done. Our pal Victoria, you remember Vic? She's my preview girl who is one step ahead of me. She said she was struggling lately too, but she's going to take this weekend to get it out of her system and start fresh next week.


I think that's terrific advice and I say all of us who are struggling should do likewise. Take a few days to get over the slump, to feel the pain, the bloat, the guilt, the anger, sadness, whatever crap emotions we're struggling with, live through it and then get over it.


It really is time to make those changes. My movie fell through. So what. Shit happens. It's life. Rather than sit here and wonder why the dial of my life has been set to "suck", I can work to turn that dial to "success" or "happy" or whatever I want it to be.


So, in that light, I have decided that I need to get back to writing, not just my blog here but writing writing, but in order to do that I have to carve out more time. A difficult thing to do when working 8 days a week. (Those double shifts at the airport can feel like two days) So I have chosen to give up one of my jobs. That's right, I gave my notice. A scary thing to be sure, but it feels like I am honoring the path I have chosen and who knows where it will lead.


I am making a choice that is independent of what anyone else would have me do and am taking responsibility for my own road! Happy Independence day everybody. What steps will you take to give yourself a little more freedom?


Shan