Have you ever wondered how big a role faith plays in your day to day life and the goals you set for yourself? I'm not talking about religious faith. I'm talking about that "if you believe it's possible, it will be possible" kind of faith.
It's awards season (for film and television) so I have been hungrily consuming all of the nominated films (in case you were wondering where the hell I've been?!) and watching all the round-table interviews. I'm always reminded of some of my favorite acceptance speeches. Without fail, they always seem to look into the camera with a glistening tear that threatens to tumble down their perfectly made-up cheek and say "don't stop dreaming, you can have this too if you don't give up".
Until a few months ago, while I love this idea of having a dream and clinging to it in a white-knuckle death grip, I'm not sure that I actually believed that it was possible. I think I may have lacked the faith in myself. If you've been reading along with my ramblings for a while, you'll likely be aware of my New Year's resolution to love myself. January's resolution or virtue as I call it was celebration and I did my best this month to celebrate the little victories and appreciate the happinesses that I experience throughout each and every day instead of wasting time on the crap that bugs me and the headlines that break my heart. Which is also why I grew wary of posts about my muffin top and love handles and how un-perfect I may still be.
You see here's the thing. I believe that I experienced an inner transformation. Nothing totally earth shattering, yet something significant enough that it took literal years to happen.
As my thirties gained momentum and I began staring down the barrel of the big Four-Oh, and my ass was falling and my waist was spreading and my pant size was increasing and I was feeling more and more miserable... I knew something had to be done. I started swinging kettle bells and doing P90-x and the Biggest Loser, yet nothing could stop it. I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. Then of course you all know what happened next. I write about it ad nauseam, I started practicing the Tracy Anderson Method, I lost 19 pounds, I gained 9 back, I ate this, I stopped eating that, I yo-yoed around a bit, I got fed up with Continuity and spent the summer revisiting Metamorphosis and basically I got my groove back, just like Stella! Well kind of. I had to sacrifice one of my favorite things. I gave up sugar in July.
There was only one way to do it, I had to have faith that I was capable of doing it. By September I also had to give up the huge battle that was constantly being waged within me and that was the battle for the perfect number on the scale. I let that go. I realized that my body had a number that it wanted to be at that kept me in my skinny jeans that I didn't have to kill myself to maintain. In other words, I decided to trust my body and have faith that it knew what it was doing.
It was a pretty big aha moment. I'd already had faith in my chosen workout. I loved the method, it did what it said it was going to do and once I cut out sugar, the rest of my body seemed to catch up. I'm not ripped, or super thin, or perfect, but I am happy to dwell within the body that Tracy and I created and I have faith that I can keep this up well into my old age if I want to.
Since then, my body has been really cooperative. I stepped on the scale two weeks ago and was up a pound and a half from that goal weight, so I shifted a few things around diet-wise and was back at that weight again a week later. There have been weeks at a time where I have been resting as much as 3 pounds below it, but I wasn't killing myself to stay their either.
If you're one of the many women who are facing those middle years and it seems that it's nothing but a struggle, if you really are working out and are sincerely watching what you eat, I know it's really hard, but just try and have a little faith that it's going to happen for you. Perhaps you need to have a look at your expectations and adjust them slightly. Maybe the workout you're doing isn't quite the right one for you, or maybe the foods you're eating are not the right ones for your body - things like gluten and dairy are hot topics for a reason.
And in the mean time, if you made the resolution to lose some weight this year, to maintain your current weight, or to simply adopt a healthier lifestyle, it's time to check in and take stock. It's January 31st people. Real life has kicked back in. are you still putting into practice all the things you said you were going to?
My chosen virtue for February is clarity. With my new found appreciation for my unique voice and its value in the world (I am still struggling with it a little, but having faith that the belief will come) I will be looking for some clarity on how to best use it. You're welcome to join me in seeking some clarity in your own life in whatever area you think needs attention for you.
Tracy and Gwyneth seem to be doing the same. Goop has put out a great question and answer post with Tracy that you might want to check out here and it includes a great little video of Tracy showing us some new moves from the set where she's been filming some new content. For your convenience you can watch it right here.
I'd been considering stopping my Continuity order. I have so much content already and am lagging behind, so I've put it temporarily on hold, but seeing how fantastic she looks... I may not be able to stay away. Lol.
Enjoy this last day of January. Look for something to admire or appreciate and let yourself be happy. You deserve it.